I’m sure you’ve heard of, or at least seen, Influencers. They’re the people that clog up restaurants taking pictures of their food. They strike ridiculous poses, usually including some combination of the peace sign, a tongue out the mouth, or their best impression of a duck. Most, if not all, of them are young millenials and Gen Z’ers (those born from 2001 onwards). They can often be recognized by their obsession with photo opportunities, their vintage hippie/bohemian/trendy/vaguely homeless clothing choices, and their need for positive adulation via social media. That’s not to say that I’m passing judgement on the Influencers, which, in case you’re not up on the lingo, are simply people who cultivate a social media following. Social media, and the never-ending flow of posts, tweets, and livestreams provided by the Influencers, is the future of personality in the age of digital post-humanism.
Did that last bit sound pretentious enough? Is the fact that I use the word pretentious, pretentious in itself? But let’s get back on track, we were talking about Influencers, and Influencer Hopefuls, and how to spot them in their natural habitat. First, look for spots that are particularly photogenic. These frequently include wall murals, I’m sure you’ve seen pictures of people standing in front of wings painted on the wall, making it look like they have wings. Let’s be honest, we’ve all seen those pictures. On Oahu, there is no better place to find gorgeous, incredible wall mural art than Kaka’ako, the hipster epicenter of Honolulu. Here you’ll find overpriced gluten free, vegan, fair-trade (obs) coffee shops and arty apartment complexes complete with astoundingly high rents and posh private gyms. The Influencers love the neighborhood for its trendy uplifted industrial charm and ‘Instagram’ photo ops.
If there’s one thing Influencers love more than ‘Instagram’ worthy photo ops, it’s ‘Instagram’ worthy experiences. And I don’t mean that they seek out experiences just for their own personal desire and then put those experiences on ‘Instagram’, I mean that Influencers, and Influencer Hopefuls, specifically choose things to do based on how ‘Instagrammable’ they are.
I know this sounds ridiculous, but it’s true. Influencers will do things, like go snorkeling with sharks, not because they really want to do those things, but so they can get that awesome picture for ‘Instagram’ that will gain them more likes and followers and therefore more positive reinforcement. Overwhelmingly, in the case of female (or female identifying) Influencers, these images include the infamous ‘Belfy’, or ‘but-selfy’. What the Hell is a but-selfy, you ask? Well, the generous definition I use here is that a Belfy is any image of oneself, posted to social media, that prominently features the but, often exposed by a swimsuit pulled up so far that it looks like a bully gave you a wedgie just moments before. In case you didn’t know, because if you’re reading this, chances are you are not an Influencer, buts are in. Buts are on trend, the bigger and rounder, the better. But, only if you also appear athletic and photogenic enough for Influencer standards.
And finally, let’s talk about Influencers and food. Oh Mylanta, they love to take pictures of food. But not just any food, trendy food, ‘Instagram’ food, food that all the other Influencers know about and will be impressed by when you show your latest picture of a donut with a perfect bite taken out of it. The most famous, and overcrowded, place on Oahu, to find this kind of behavior is of course Leonard’s Bakery, home of the Malasada. Although not particularly impressive, at least compared to the less ‘Instagramable’, and therefore less crowded, places on the island, Leonard’s is always packed, and I mean PACKED with tourists. Half of them are standing in line to get their Malasadas, a few more are standing back, taking angled pictures of the Leonard’s sign, and the rest are busily taking the perfect bite out of their Malasadas, delicately placing them on the bright pink Leonard’s box, and taking that perfect picture. And let’s not forget every single patron taking their selfy (or Belfy) in front of Leonard’s, likely with their Malasadas and pink box. Because, let’s face it, if you don’t take cute pictures of your food and check in with a selfy on ‘Instagram’, it didn’t happen. Such is the life of an Influencer, or rather, every person taking a selfy in front of something trendy that hopes to become an Influencer.